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Parents, Teachers & Other Adults

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Whether they drive you to school, to soccer practice or just plain drive you crazy, for better or for worse, adults are a part of the high school experience. Parents, teachers, counselors and other adults can be sources of inspiration, support and comfort or the causes of stress, fear and anxiety.
In these pages you will find examples of healthy and helpful adults and stories of adults who made life harder for students. You will also find detailed information on how to find a “safe” adult to help you through your high school years. (See Tips & Facts.)

For the most part, I would keep any issues with the school inside and just live with the problems, though once in a while I would go and speak to a teacher I trusted.
—Josh, 20

I’ve always thought that it all would have been so much better if someone had just listened to me, and not just watched me. If they had taken the time to actually get me, see and hear where I was at that time. I often wonder what might have happened if one person—just one person—had taken the time to acknowledge that I was in a crappy situation, that stressful things had happened in my life and that it wouldn’t always be like that, instead of trying to paint some artificially cheerful picture of all the stuff I was supposed to be grateful for and happy about. If one person had told me that it was probably the worst time of my life, I might have actually believed it, and I think that might have made me feel a little less crazy.
—Clare

For the past four years I have hated every single aspect of high school. I hate it when dad drinks. He always beats up mom and me. I hate him so much…
—High school senior

My parents could have supported me more. I feel they should have asked me more questions about “me” rather then my dad asking me “how was school,” since he always knew my answer would be the same as always, nothing.
—Cheryl

Give students a fair say. Actually talk to us, not at us.*

I feel like I spend all my time crying. The only time I’m even a little bit happy is when I can get out of the house. My mom’s always mad at me and I can’t get through a day without one of Dad’s lectures. And fights! Always fights! I spent the whole day cleaning and all Mom said was, “You didn’t make your bed.” They don’t let me do anything. I can’t wait till I’m 18 and can get out of here.
–Cookie, 16

Some of the teachers are a little out there. I don’t mind having to see the same teachers every day, but when I do have a crazy teacher, I have to spend an hour and forty minutes with them.
—Chauncey, 14

Sometimes it’s not the kids who are making the school bad. Sometimes it’s the faculty that can unknowingly affect the moods of the students.*

Home life and the parents that control it are a huge part of life for a teen. Relationships with parents through this age of disarray vary. I have friends who don’t speak with their parents, I have friends who smoke with their parents. Both of these are extremes. What I’ve come to realize is this: I am (and perhaps you are too) angry, and that’s okay. Why shouldn’t I be? I live in a world where the cops, (that I pay with my miniscule check) who are supposed to protect and serve me instead hassle me, where the administration at my school harasses me and where teens, who are just like me, sometimes pick on me because we sit at different tables and wear different clothes. I read about the misery and poverty in different parts of the world as I watch my elders turn cold shoulders and I watch immoral men make immoral laws in the name of morality and the sum of these things make me livid. However, just because I am infuriated is no reason to take this out on the people who love me most but don’t feel my rage. You (and I) have to understand that they won’t understand.
—Kyle, 17

My relationship with my parents is pretty good and I think it helps me get through my days. They give a lot of support, comfort and love. If I didn’t have a good relationship with them it would make my days harder. They always try to encourage me to accomplish my goals.
I am not really sure how our relationship came about but I am a very caring and loving person, I treat my family and friends very well with plenty of love and care.
—Nancy, 17

I would probably do anything for a teacher I liked.
—10th grade student, gang member

I wish the administrators would just listen to us. Most of the time, when there is a problem, they just jump in and start handing out punishments. They need to hear both sides of the story, or at least listen and try to understand what happened.*

Last night was Chanukah and I got a ton of gifts. Everybody loved what I got them and everything was all lovey-dovey. By this morning the truce was off. World War III continues…
—Janelle, 15

The thing I liked above all was that if you needed help, you got it. It’s amazing how much the teachers care about you.
—Bobby, 14

What I really hated was when one of my fellow students, known to be a major asshole by most of the other prisoners, would act up and the authority figures would punish all of my fellow inmates. Now, we all knew who the assholes were. Why didn’t the teachers? Didn’t they know we had no influence over the assholes? Usually these unruly assholes were also bullies, whose actions against us were usually not noticed by the instructors.
—Jon

Some teachers have this, like, built in radar. They really pay attention to their students, and notice when something is going on. I love the ones who listen, and who let you know they’re there if you need them.
—Dotti, 18

*indicates material that was submitted anonymously

Tips about dealing with the adults in your life.

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