Friendship, Cliques & Belonging

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Forgive and forget. Your friend is going to blow you off, your parents are going to show you how much they don’t get you, your boyfriend is going to act dorky, your teacher is not going to give you the grade you deserve, your boss is not going to recognize all your sterling qualities and the rest of the world is going to ignore you. Give the world a break. Do your best to get over the ways you’ve been let down.
—Marlin Potash and Laura Potash Fruitman

Be nice to nerds. Chances are, you’ll end up working for one.
—Bill Gates

My advice to all is to find yourself through others eyes, through the eyes of your best friends. Find that one person who is always there, who is always supporting you. Once you have found him or her, realize that it won’t always be smooth times but those hard times are what make your bond of friendship even stronger.
—Celia-Ann, 17

A common mistake is wanting too many people to be friends with you. Looking at a clique, or even at the varsity football team, you may get the false idea that others have more friends than you. True, these students may have more people acknowledge them in the halls or cafeteria, but friendship is more than just knowing someone. Having one or two good friends is really worth much more than having a squad of people who simply say “hello” to you in the halls.
—Barbara Mayer

What succeeds in high school won’t work later on. Physical gifts, looks, a winning way and easy smile—except for the odd movie star—such qualities won’t get you two seconds on the evening news. On the other hand, those qualities that can lose you status in high school—aggressiveness, imagination and an independent turn of mind—may be just the qualities needed to make it in a larger setting where performance counts more than style.
—Ralph Keyes

When teenagers call hotline peer counseling centers, they’re not calling to talk about family problems, a lack of money, academic stress—or even sex and drugs. What they most commonly want to discuss is their relationships with other students.
—Murray Milner

To the world you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world.
–Anonymous

If you’ve hurt someone…

Is there someone in your school you’ve teased, ignored, bullied, insulted or hurt in some way? There are a number of things you can do to make things right.

• Stop the behavior! This includes how you act toward this person when you’re around your friends.
• Step into the other person’s shoes. Imagine how that person might have felt.
• Apologize.
• Refuse to participate in any form of meanness, including direct bullying, teasing or shutting someone out.
• Refuse to stay silent when witnessing any hurtful behavior.
• Refuse to gossip or spread rumors, even if the story is true.

Rejection in high school just hurts. Snubs cut deeper at that time than any suffered as adults.
—Ralph Keyes

Tips for Being a Supportive Friend.

Stories about friendship, cliques and betrayal.

Resources dealing with issues of friendship, cliques and betrayal.

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Main Tips & Facts directory & links
Other tips and facts: The Reality | Image & Identity | Friendship & Belonging | Sex, Sexuality & Dating | Violence & Safety | Body & Health | Coping & Change | Responsibilities & Pressures | Parents & Teachers | Lifelines & Goals | Purpose & Perspective